Carers: what you can do and UK carer support (bowel cancer)

Bowel Cancer UK says it can be difficult to know how to help when a friend or loved one has cancer, and gives practical rules for talking: be guided by them, because they may not always feel like talking; be there when they are ready; you do not need all the answers, and listening can be enough; ask what they want and listen to the answer; be careful with jokes or with encouraging them to be positive, which can feel like not listening; avoid stories about other people with cancer, because everyone is different; and remember you do not always have to talk about cancer at all. It says both of you are likely to feel stress, upset and anger, that irritability is usually about the situation rather than about you, and that if the person you care for is very down or finding it hard to cope they should be encouraged to speak to their GP or specialist nurse, a counsellor through BACP, or the Samaritans at any hour. It also says some people find it useful to take someone with them to appointments to help take notes and remind them what was discussed, and runs a peer support line, online communities and a stoma support group that carers can use. Colostomy UK has a page for people caring for someone with a colostomy, covering changing and emptying bags, skin care, supplies and what to do when the person cannot manage the stoma themselves. On the statutory side, the NHS says a carer's assessment is free, is for anyone aged 18 or over looking after another adult, is separate from the assessment of the person you care for, and can lead to practical support; it also lists the benefits carers may be able to claim, including Carer's Allowance. Macmillan's pages for people supporting someone with cancer cover the same ground with a support line.